For so long my life revolved solely around my eating disorder. It was my world, my purpose, and the thing I was best at. I was in and out of it at times. Sometimes I was able to enjoy other parts of life, focus on relationships, successfully get into college, etc. But other times, I was dying. It was all I could think about and all I could do. When I fell into my deepest relapse during the summer of 2022, I was in so much pain. Even more, denial – I couldn’t see a future except for a lifetime of anorexia. My life revolved around anything I could do to lose weight to make myself “feel better.” I hated myself and at the same time, I could not stop using behaviors. I am so grateful and lucky I had people in my life who intervened, even when I did not want help.
Eventually, my disorder got to a point where the amount of pain and denial I was in also started hurting those around me. My loved ones urged me to go to treatment and, even though I was still wrapped up in the mental illness, I agreed to go for them. Deep down, I wanted to stop hurting. So, I reluctantly went to my first treatment facility.
When I was there I felt furious, scared, and hopeless. I made progress but then relapsed. I had to drop out of school full-time and only take one course, but even then, nothing else mattered. My entire world revolved around my eating disorder.
