Anxiety disorders are the most common mental disorder in the world and affected 301 million people in 2019. Most anxiety disorders begin in childhood and adolescence. The good news about anxiety disorders is that they are considered very treatable, and parents are instrumental in recovery. There are even parent-led treatments in which the parents receive the treatment and the kids recover. In other words, you make a difference!
As a parent coach, I help you understand your child’s anxiety disorder and make a positive difference in their recovery. Anxiety disorders are scary, but also very treatable. Parents can make all the difference in helping kids recover from anxiety disorders. And the sooner you dive in and get started, the sooner your child (and you!) will feel a lot better.
With new knowledge and skills, you can help your child recover from their anxiety disorder.
Can kids recover from anxiety disorders?
Kids can and do recover from anxiety disorders. With adequate treatment, including lifestyle changes and parental support, most kids will no longer have persistent feelings of anxiety.
In recovery, your child will still have normal levels of anxiety. This is a fluid experience that comes and goes for all of us. But they will be free from the sustained terror of having an anxiety disorder. Most anxiety disorders get worse over time if untreated. But they are very treatable, and parents can help make recovery happen!
As a parent coach, I help you support your child and get them into recovery from anxiety. You’ll learn to help them do the things that will make anxiety get better. You’ll learn to build your child’s emotional regulation skills. With better emotional regulation, your child’s anxiety will become manageable and no longer get in the way of living life.
❓What is emotional regulation? Emotional regulation is the ability to self-regulate your emotions and calm yourself down. People who have good emotional regulation are more resilient and capable of handling daily stressors. Parents are essential to building kids’ emotional regulation skills for several neurological reasons. The sooner you get started, the better!
Why does my kid have anxiety?
All of us have anxiety. It’s a feature of our biology, not a flaw. Anxiety naturally comes and goes throughout the day, ebbing and flowing. It’s the energy that gets us going and motivates us to make things happen.
Unfortunately, some people get stuck in persistent anxiety in which there’s no ebb and flow, just a steady state of near-constant worry, stress, and fear. Anxiety disorders are prevalent and becoming more so. In 2012, almost 12% of children experienced anxiety disorders, but that number was up to 20% in 2020.
An anxiety disorder means your child’s threat response system is stuck on high alert. They need your help to get it into more manageable levels. Anxiety disorders are biopsychosocial disorders, meaning they are caused and maintained by a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors.
❓What’s a biopsychosocial disorder? Most mental disorders come from a combination of biological, psychological, and social causes and maintaining factors. Biological factors include genetics and how the nervous system is wired. Some people are born with a more highly sensitive nervous system, and these are the people who tend to struggle most with mental health conditions. Psychological factors are thought patterns and beliefs that drive and maintain the disorder. Without intervention and skill-building, psychology tends to reinforce mental disorders, but psychological intervention can interrupt the pattern and begin the healing process. Social factors are how our society, particularly those closest to us and the environment at large, interact with our biology and psychology. Social forces can either reduce our risk of continuing in a mental disorder or disrupt the disordered thinking enough to promote healing.
What treatment does my child or teen with anxiety need?
All kids and teens feel worried and stressed sometimes. But if your child has an anxiety disorder, they have a more serious condition that requires specialized treatment. While anxiety disorders are very treatable, recovery requires significant lifestyle changes and social support, which is why parents are essential to recovery.
If your child has an anxiety disorder you will want to explore several treatment options, including:
Lifestyle changes: kids and teens with anxiety disorders need a consistent sleep schedule, regular and adequate meals, and pleasurable exercise.
Social support: people with anxiety need significant social and family support to develop more resilience and emotional regulation.
Emotional regulation: kids can increase their ability to regulate their emotions and broaden their window of tolerance for anxiety and stress.
Psychotherapy: psychotherapy helps people learn to regulate their thoughts, prevent and manage panic attacks, and respond differently to stressors.
Medication: medications are available to help kids with anxiety disorders, though they are not typically effective without the interventions mentioned above.
What can parents do about a child’s anxiety disorder?
Most parents try to help kids avoid the things that make them feel stressed, worried, and afraid. But in fact, the most important thing to do is help your child experience stress, worry, and fear with your active engagement and support. I know it sounds scary, but this is the best thing parents can do for anxious kids.
❓Why don’t we want to help kids avoid anxiety? What we resist, persists. Avoiding anxiety often leads to worse outcomes. When parents help their kids avoid anxiety, it’s called “accommodation,” and it’s something that maintains anxiety disorders over time.
Treatment for childhood anxiety disorders is especially effective if parents are willing to roll their sleeves up and get involved in expanding their child’s “window of tolerance.” This helps their child build resilience and learn to cope with daily stressors.
❓What’s the “Window of Tolerance?” This is a term that describes your child’s ability to tolerate distress. When your child is in their window, they feel calm, confident, engaged, and curious. Outside of their window, they are in a state of distress. High activation causes extreme, even debilitating anxiety. You will likely see symptoms of the fight/flight response, including whining, yelling, crying, throwing, and other disruptive behaviors. Someone with an anxiety disorder is in a near-constant state of fight/flight, which greatly reduces their quality of life. When they broaden their window of tolerance they become more resilient to daily stressors.
Strategies to help your child with an anxiety disorder
Parents are the key to helping kids and teens with anxiety. Effective anxiety treatment relies heavily on lifestyle changes and social support, so parents are essential to success.
Your primary goal is to create appropriate household boundaries around physical care, including sleeping, eating, and exercise. Second, you need to not accommodate your child’s anxiety or help them avoid feeling anxious. Instead, you want to learn how to help your child feel anxious with your support, which will broaden their window of tolerance. Finally, you can help your child build emotional regulation skills by practicing co-regulation every day.
How parent coaching can help your child with an anxiety disorder
With a parent coach for your child’s anxiety disorder, you’ll get the advice, skills, and information you need to make a difference. I can help you with the following:
Understand your child’s anxiety disorder.
Learn to recognize your child’s triggers and warning signs for anxiety.
Build skills so you avoid accommodating anxiety, which maintains anxiety disorders and shrinks the window of tolerance.
Learn to set expectations and boundaries to support your child’s healthy lifestyle to reduce anxiety.
Gain skills to support your child in co-regulating with your child so they learn to self-regulate.
Learn what to say and what not to say when your child or teen is panicking, having a tantrum, or melting down.
Feel confident that you’re doing your very best in challenging circumstances.
❓Why Me? I’ve dedicated the last 10 years to learning everything I can about anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and other mental health issues with one question in mind: how can parents help? I was trained by Eli Leibowitz, who created the evidence-based Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions (SPACE) program, a parent-led treatment for kids with anxiety disorders and OCD. I’m passionate about helping parents help their kids because I know that parents make a difference. I use these techniques in parenting my own child and have coached more than 100 families to reduce their kids’ anxiety simply by changing their own behavior.
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