To perform means to entertain an audience.
Actors perform when they dress in costume and play the role of a character.
Singers perform when they stand on stage and belt the lines to a song.
Athletes perform when they practice their sport.
A performer is anyone who performs for others to see.
Unfortunately, many people approach recovery like it’s a performance. They put on a show to entertain their audience (friends and family members). They want to be applauded and patted on the back for eating.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting or needing encouragement. It feels good when your hard work is noticed. But it becomes a problem when your recovery turns into people-pleasing.
Imagine this scenario: you’ve had a long day. You’re tired and hungry. You get home and immediately notice a plate of food on the counter. That looks delicious, you think to yourself. But you don’t eat it. Instead, you opt for something “safer.” After all, no one is home to notice whether you challenge yourself or not. And you’re convinced that it’s only worthwhile to eat something scary when other people are there to sing your praises. This is performative recovery.
Performative recovery masks an eating disorder. It isn’t real recovery. You perform when the spotlight is on you, then go back into hiding as soon as the show is over.
Your recovery might be performative if you eat one way around certain people and another way when you’re all alone. Or if you can’t stand the thought of challenging yourself without telling anyone.
I used to go out of my way to tell someone that I was having a snack, as if they cared. But I wanted them to know. They needed to know. They needed to know because they needed to think I was normal. And normal people have snacks. By that definition, I was perfectly normal, thank you very much.
Frankly, I still catch myself talking about food when it’s not appropriate. For example, when someone asks what I’m doing, they aren’t asking about what I’ve just eaten. That information is unnecessary. But sometimes I give it out anyway. Maybe it’s habitual. Or maybe it’s my people-pleasing nature shining through. Either way, it’s something I need to address.
It’s very important to guard against performative recovery. After all, your recovery is ultimately a matter between you and God. Performance-based recovery will not stand. It will crumble in the end.
If this is a struggle for you (as it has been/is for me), address the issue by eating alone. It shouldn’t be sneaky or secretive, but challenge yourself in private. Eat something scary, then tell no one. Repeat again.
Lastly, remember the importance of accountability. Don’t neglect eating with other people. You need it just as much as you need to practice eating alone.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” – Galatians 1:10
– Taylor
