Living as a nonbinary person is equal parts liberating and confusing. Grappling with my gender identity has caused deep, inherent body image dissatisfaction. Yearning for a masculine, more androgynous appearance increased the severity of my already existing eating disorder. As an assigned female at birth nonbinary person, I will share some information on the relation between gender dysphoria and eating disorders, along with my story regarding these themes.
Discussing gender outside the normative binary is still relatively new today. Chances are you’ve heard the terms transgender and nonbinary, but the phrase gender dysphoria may remain unknown to you. For context, gender dysphoria is a chronic sense of discomfort one may experience regarding their body image due to feeling misalliance between their biological sex and gender identity. The spectrum as to how gender dysphoria is expressed is expansive and usually depends on the person’s transition journey. Transgender people may feel discomfort in features such as (but not limited to):
· Height
· Body hair
· Body fat distribution
· Chest
· Genitalia
Gender dysphoria can cause extreme discomfort and anxiety. As a result, this may increase the likelihood of low self-esteem, depression, self-harm, and self-neglecting tendencies in those identifying outside the gender binary.
Bodily dissatisfaction coupled with increased anxiety and depression rates in transgender individuals can cause eating disorder likelihood to rise in these demographics. In fact, transgender college students are four times more likely than cisgender, heterosexual female college students to be diagnosed with an eating disorder (Banasiak, 2022). The onset of secondary sex characteristics in transgender individuals during puberty usually triggers disordered eating habits, such as food restriction, excessive exercise, or regular purging. Weight loss may attribute to the slowing of breast development or period loss (amenorrhea); this may be seen as desirable in those experiencing a female to male transition. Those transitioning from male to female may experience body dysmorphia, developing extreme concern with body shape (Banasiak, 2022).
Additional social standards in queer communities surrounding thinness also add pressure to teens and young adults in the community. There is undoubtably a pressure to be constantly attractive; consistently “slaying” in the community. With often less opportunity for queer individuals to find partners, they may try their best to look attractive in the case that they do find a potential partner. Unfortunately, some may equate extreme thinness or low body fat percentages to achieve this unrealistic ideal leading to increased disordered eating rates (Bonell et al., 2023).
Eating disorders and gender dysphoria are extremely difficult to deal with, and my story reflects this. I struggled with food since I was about 13 years old, enduring several eating disorders during my teenage hood. I used food restriction, exercise addiction, and binge-purging behaviours as coping mechanisms for other pre-existing mental health conditions I was unaware of at the time. In twelfth grade, I came out to myself as genderfluid; using she/they/he pronouns. I cut my hair and expressed myself in more masculine ways through my clothing choices. I felt increasingly confident and comfortable in myself, excluding one undeniable fact. I naturally have a larger chest; I found this detrimental to my gender expression and self-identity. To me, my chest was a glaring symbol of femininity. Everyone would know I was born as a “girl”. It destroyed me. I overexercised and restricted in attempt to lose my breasts. Unfortunately, I genetically lose fat everywhere but my chest when I diet; restriction was to no avail. After coming out, my gender dysphoria triggered an eating disorder relapse for about a year thereafter, intensifying my bout of depression at the time. However, there are ways out of this, and I can share my story and information about this as well.
Nearing the end of my high school experience, I went through intense amounts of therapy and consolidation from loved ones. I am very privileged and lucky to have a strong support system. I have my parents and best friends to thank for much of my recovery; they helped me through such a low point. My parents saw my struggle and took me to a psychiatrist where I was diagnosed with EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) and generalized anxiety disorder. A combination of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and anxiety medications helped to reduce my disordered behaviours. My amazing friends also bought me my first binder. Binders are tightly fitting undergarments meant to flatten the chest and provide a masculine appearance for nonbinary or transmasculine individuals. They measured my chest size one day (without telling me, bless their hearts) and ordered my binder; cutting the size tag before my first try-on to prevent any eating disorder-related triggers. The first time I wore a binder was unreal; I felt so much closer to my self-identity.
However, chest binding is nowhere near perfect. My goal is to attain gender-affirming top surgery to increase my body confidence and gender affirmation. Even today, my body image is not perfect, but regardless, I am self-assured in my identity as a nonbinary person, and binding really helps with my body image. Though I cannot speak on the male-to-female transition experience, this is my personal story; one of so many ongoing transition tales.
There are many resources on how to deal with gender dysphoria and eating disorders. For those outside the gender binary, here are some tips that others (and myself) use to feel confident in their appearance and expression:
· Find a hairstyle that aligns with your identity and makes you feel attractive.
· Wear clothes which accentuate your favourite body features and align with your self-identity.
· Bind your chest within safe time ranges.
· Talk to your general practitioner about acquiring estrogen, testosterone, or surgeries necessary for your transition.
· Wear what you want and look cool while doing it! Buy that silly bag, dye your hair that funky colour, get those tattoos and piercings! Gender expression is uniquely individual, and always yours to customize.
I know, this is a lot of information about gender expression, dysphoria, and eating disorders. Whether you’re currently transitioning, a loved one of someone currently struggling, or just someone looking for accessible information, I hope this aided in your understanding. For anyone struggling, don’t hesitate to consider these tips and reach out for help. Know dieting unhealthily is not the way to achieve some “body goal”. You can attractively express gender in your own, unique, fantastic way.
References
Banasiak, E. (2022). The Role of Gender Dysphoria in the Development of an Eating Disorder. The American Journal of Psychiatry Resident’s Journal 18(1), 1-2. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi-rj.2022.180104
Bonell, S., Wilson, M. J., Griffiths, S., Rice, S. M., Seidler, Z. E. (2023). Why do queer men experience negative body image? A narrative review and testable stigma model. Elsevier Ltd 45(1), 2,5. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bodyim.2023.02.005
