It’s been a minute since I’ve last posted, mainly because I’ve spent the past 8 weeks back in inpatient treatment and have been too occupied trying to, you know, recover, to post. But tonight is my last night here, and I have journaled all along the way, so over the next few weeks, I’ll be updating this blog with treatment journal entries as well as current postings.
I didn’t anticipate being here as long as I have been. I thought this would be a quick 2-3 week deal, 4 at most, but here I am, exactly 8 weeks later, still nervous to step out of the treatment bubble and back into the “real world”. In some respects, I feel as though I’ve made a lot of progress, and learned a lot that I hope to implement into my daily routine once I get home. But I’m also not naive, and know that I still have a long way to go in some areas as well.
I know I just need to keep reminding myself that recovery is not linear. There will be really high highs, and really low lows. But my hope is that as time goes on, the mountains and valleys will begin to flatten. And it’s not going to happen overnight, or in a week, or in a month, or maybe even in a year. If I’ve learned anything about my eating disorder, it’s that it requires intentional effort to fight it every single moment of the day. There will be days, I’m sure, where I’m too tired to fight, but my goal is to not let those days send me into a spiral as they have in the past, and instead view each day as a new chance to continue making progress, and continue toward recovery.
As nervous as I am to leave, I’m so excited to go home and see my friends and family, sleep in my own bed, go back to work, and just get back into a routine again. You truly don’t realize how lucky you are to have what you have until you’re separated from it all. So just one more night. One more night.
