Walking a mile in someone else’s shoes isn’t just an expression. Practicing empathy is one thing, but for empaths, it’s a deeply ingrained way of life. In most cases, empathy (the ability to understand a person’s feelings) is vital in today’s modern, complicated world.
However, many people with high emotional intelligence can take this feeling of empathy a step too far—in fact, it’s in their nature to do so. Fortunately, being an empath doesn’t mean you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. To help, a few mental health experts share their best coping mechanisms for overwhelmed empaths.
Adolph Brown is a clinical psychologist, speaker, and educator based in Virginia Beach.
Ben Fineman is a psychotherapist in Los Angeles and the co-host of the Very Bad Therapy podcast.
Amber O’Brien is a psychologist at Mango Clinic in Florida.
Nicole Villegas, OTD, OTR/L, QMHP is a doctor of occupational therapy and resilience coach.
Consider What Being an Empath Means to You
“It’s often said that an empath is not only keenly aware of the emotions [of others] around them, they [also] experience these emotions as if they belonged to them,” explains clinical psychologist Adolph Brown. “Empaths are also known to have exceptional abilities to nurture and heal.”
As it turns out, the world is packed with empaths. Research suggests that about 20 percent of the population may be “highly sensitive” or empaths. Being an empath comes with a lot of positive traits.
For one, Brown says, empaths are “highly intuitive and emotionally intelligent,” so they can read the room, pick up on other people’s energy, and be very aware of their own emotions, too. The catch? Taking on everyone’s feelings can be a lot. Unfortunately, “many empaths become overwhelmed by anxiety, depression, anger, or resentment,” he adds.
Try Mindfulness to Get in Touch With Your Feelings
Learning how to be mindful—whether through meditation or simply by cultivating self-awareness through everyday mindfulness routines—can be an excellent tool for empaths. The practice of mindfulness helps you tune into the radio channels of your mind; you can start to observe and notice thoughts and feelings (without judgment) and then recognize where they come from. You’ll gradually become aware of thought loops and emotional patterns—positive patterns as well as those that aren’t serving you.
As an empath, being more mindful might help you discern the source of your emotions and compartmentalize the emotional overwhelm: Are these my feelings? Or am I bummed out because I saw a terrible disaster story on the news or because my partner is in a foul mood from work? How is it affecting me, and why? Do I need to feel responsible for this other person’s emotions and healing them? Or can I separate myself enough to remain present and balanced?
At first, it’s counterintuitive since mindfulness meditation requires you to sit with your emotions—the pleasurable and the uncomfortable. But eventually, sitting with them helps you understand them, unpack them, and master them a little bit more, day by day.
Take Care of Yourself First With Self Care
As an empath, you can reimagine and internalize other people’s emotions and experiences as your own. But how can you be there for other people if you don’t put yourself first?
“There’s a lot of suffering in the world, and empaths can feel the weight of their environment—especially when times are tough,” says psychotherapist Ben Fineman. “It’s hard to simply turn down your empathy, and that might leave you feeling exhausted at the end of the day.”
It might be challenging to put yourself first, but self care is a must for any empath. Or, as Fineman puts it, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” To help, add some self-care activities (or time without activities) that bring you joy or fulfillment to your schedule. These could include:
Napping
Working out
Going for a walk
Reading to your kids
Cooking
Dancing to your favorite playlist
Taking a luxurious bath
Although the terms aren’t literally interchangeable, many empaths are also introverts. If this sounds like you, prioritize carving out alone time for a more satisfying battery recharge.
“Use your deep self-awareness to reflect on your sensory needs and create a list of activities that help you feel rested and at ease,” says Nicole Villegas, a doctor of occupational therapy. “Keep the list handy for when it’s too hard to remember the options.”
Set Emotional and Physical Boundaries
Very often, being an empath means getting all consumed by the constant news cycle and your loved ones’ stress. It can feel like you’re diving head-first down an emotional rabbit hole and have no idea which way is up.
“A challenge of being an empath is to practice boundaries between the physical and emotional experiences of others and yourself,” Villegas says. “It can be easy for empaths to take on, and even physically experience, someone else’s discomfort or exuberance.”
While we give you full permission to feel your feelings, it’s OK to set healthy boundaries. How do you do it? Start off slowly by setting smaller boundaries throughout the day. For example, if the non-stop news cycle is a common source of distress, leave your phone in another room while you work.
Eventually, you can set some boundaries with those who drain your energy. For instance, if your friends or siblings always come to you to vent their feelings because they know what a good and compassionate listener you are, you can practice saying, “I’m not able to chat about this right now, but can I call you back soon/can we talk about this later when I’m more ready to listen?”
If the people in an empath’s life tend to emotionally unload on their empath friends, empaths should encourage those people to check in first to ask if “now is a good time” before they unload. This can save them a lot of emotional weight-lifting and give them back some control.
Some have associated being an empath with being a people-pleaser, so establishing boundaries is much easier said than done. (After all, you never want to let anyone down.) However, by preserving your energy, you’re able to show up for your loved ones and, above all, yourself.
Reduce Your Screen Time
While scrolling your Instagram feed can be pleasurable, it can quickly become a bombardment of visual and emotional stimulation—media outlets sharing troubling news or friends posting concerning images. The seemingly harmless social media activity can overwhelm anyone emotionally (almost subliminally), but empaths in particular.
You might designate some pockets of no-phone or no-social-media time throughout your day or choose to leave devices in the other room while practicing self-care. When you cut your screen time and spend more time and energy taking care of yourself, you can be there for your community as your full, empathetic self. Rest and recharge so you can show up.
Get Outside
Feeling too many feelings? Well, you might want to head outside. “Nature is consoling for all humans, especially for empaths,” explains psychologist Amber O’Brien. “Either an empath can visit a beach or a park where [they] can connect with the natural setting.”
O’Brien explains that since empaths absorb the painful emotions of others, it can be easy for them to feel emotionally drained. However, being in the great outdoors gives them an opportunity to heal and recharge. It’s one of the reasons that a number of therapists have taken their mental health care outdoors.
Of course, going outside won’t do you any favors if you’re glued to your phone, doom-scrolling, or texting your friend. If you want to make the most of your time, put your phone on silent and focus on the moment. Whether you’re watching the waves crash onto a sandy beach or snowflakes daintily drop from the sky, you’ll give others’ often-negative feelings less power.
Journal Your Feelings
It’s important to have an outlet for releasing pent up emotions, and journaling can be a great way to let it all out. One study shows that people who journaled had an improvement in anxiety and stress compared to people who did not.
For maximum benefits, experts recommend journaling at least three times a week for 15 minutes each. And if you aren’t sure what exactly to write about, try one of these prompts to start:
What is the strongest emotion you are feeling right now and why?What is one thing you can do to improve your mood right now?Name five positive things that happened in the last month.
Practice Visualization Exercises
Visualization is a meditative practice, usually where you form a mental image of something. It can be especially helpful for setting boundaries and protecting your own energy. While there are many visualization techniques, here are a few to get you started:
Glass Wall Visualization
The next time you feel like you are a sponge absorbing all of another person’s energy, imagine a glass wall between the two of you. This glass wall will act as a barrier between you and the other person, making it impossible for you to absorb anything they send out. Notice how your emotions are protected by the glass wall.
Return to Sender Visualization
At the end of the day, you may feel like you are being weighed down by another person’s emotions, but this visualization technique—which can be done in bed—can help you return them back to their rightful owner.
Begin by laying down and closing your eyes. Think about the day and the people you spoke with. If you feel like you are carrying someone else’s energy, identify how you feel and imagine that this energy is a weed with roots growing inside of you. Pinpoint the heart of the “weed” and think about gently pulling all of the roots out of your body. Send it back to its owner. Take a few deep breaths and visualize your body, which is now free of weeds.
Shower Visualization
Taking a shower isn’t just for washing away the day’s dirt and grime—you can purify your energy and emotions too.
To begin using this shower-friendly visualization technique, close your eyes and identify any negative feelings you may have accumulated throughout the day. Now, take a few moments to feel the water drip down your body, and imagine those bad emotions being rinsed away. Take a moment to recognize your body, which is now free of bad energy.
