Are you making New Years resolutions this year? Lots of us intend to start making changes, such as losing weight or going to the gym more often.
We also set intentions to stop behaviors such as bingeing or making unhealthy food choices.
Somewhere along the line our resolve fizzles and, boom – we’re back to where we started. If this sounds familiar, here are some tips to make 2017 different:
#1 – Stop Trying So Hard.
Resolutions are often phrased in terms of “trying” to make changes. I’m going to try to lose weight. I’m going to try to be healthier.
Keep in mind there is no trying; there is either doing or not doing (thank you, Yoda!).
If you’re trying (and failing) at your attempts to change, there is always a reason. Here are a few common fears that are associated with trying and failing:
Fear Of Disappointment: You
imagine that by changing your body, you will change your life. But,
what if it doesn’t? What if everything in your life stays exactly the
same? Maybe that’s too much to risk, so you never allow yourself to get
to the point where you will be disappointed.
Fear Of Impulsivity: You worry that if you lose weight, you will
be impulsive – i.e., leave your husband or wife, or take risks at work
If so, coming to terms with such fears is a crucial step towards
change.
Fear Of Objectification: You have negative
associations to intimacy or fear being seen as a “thing” instead of a
person. This is so scary that you never allow yourself to feel good
about your body.
Instead of trying to lose weight, examine the
underlying conflicts that prevent you from taking the best possible
care of your body.
#2 – Make A Different Kind of Resolution
New
Years Resolutions are often only about behaviors. I suggest we make
resolutions to shift our relationship to ourselves and change our attitudes.
Resolve to be kinder to yourself
Resolve to listen to your inner voice
Resolve to prioritize your needs and wants
Resolve to be curious, instead of critical
Resolve to stop the negative self-talk and start being supportive of yourself.
Make a list of the ways you wish other people would be towards you,
such as responsive, open, supportive, and kind. Then, be that way
towards yourself.
Here’s a handy little reminder for you to download
and/or memorize:
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