By Barri Leiner Grant, Guest Contributor
Dear Eating Disorder.
(Scratch that.)
Hey, you. eating disorder.
You came into our home, unannounced and uninvited. A rude stranger arriving with some major baggage. You interrupted our daily lives and all that we knew as ok and normal. You made your invisible line in the proverbial sand and rendered a date in our family “before”. You made the bed and we lay in it.
Nobody invites an eating disorder into our lives, homes and relationships knowingly. When we are not looking, it seeps its deep, ugly and seemingly invisible, interrupting self into the body and mind of a loved one and takes hold. Its unapologetic, insidious grip gets comfortable and does not want to let go. A tug of war to evict, ensues.
While we admit that the unwanted stranger has indeed arrived, we immediately seek understanding. We comb books, chat boards, websites, and resources for help to better understand how we got here and how we can break its unwelcomed and alarming arrival.
It is a difficult reality to discuss with friends, colleagues and extended family. It rides side saddle with its pals, shame and secret. While e.d. has arrived for one member of the household, and it is surely their story, it arrives and disrupts everyone’s lives. While it is not happening to us, it feels as if it is and we can hurt for them and with them. It changes the lives of everyone it touches. It has come for someone we care deeply care for and in turn us too. An upheaval of all that we hold to be safe and sacred. It is not an illness that we can treat or cure with a magic pill.
It takes over. It seems to leave. It returns again. And again. Posts up and lives with you. If you find yourself under the roof of this great robber, I invite you to allow for grieving. In the tumult, support and fight for healing – grief knocks. Name it. Welcome it. This too is what you are experiencing. Honor it. You are grieving a time you lost, a future that feels stolen and a loved one in pain. This is yours.
Talk to a healer. One that resonates with you. You are a griever. I don’t believe we ever get over this loss, but learn to live with it. This does not mean you are broken, but perhaps in need remembering. A place and space to put yourself back together a new. The you on this side of the line.
You can usher e.d. to the door and welcome the deep healing to accept the grief that it has rendered. Invite it to your side. As a companion. It is here to be seen and witnessed. And so are you.
