It’s that time of
year again. The holidays are upon us. Does that bring you joy?
Maybe you feel a
combination of both happiness and anxiety. If you feel conflicted about the holidays, you’re not alone.
Why are the
holidays so difficult for so many people?
TV commercials and magazine ads start showing happy, loving, close
families gathered
over a table loaded with food. Everyone is beaming and grateful for their wonderful
lives.
If that’s your
reality, consider yourself lucky. But for many people, if not most, that’s
a fantasy world that’s not even close to reality.
If it seems as if
everyone in the world is living a perfect Hallmark holiday life, full of peace,
love and happiness – and then there’s YOUR family, that can be painful.
The contrast can be
really difficult especially if you think the picture perfect image is how it’s
supposed to be, and it’s just not.
That’s upsetting,
which leads to overeating or bingeing (or other forms of disordered eating) as a way to numb or distract from the pain.
Or, because these
families are often shown having meals together, eating, overeating or bingeing can be a means of “feeling”
like you’re part of the picture perfect holiday family. If you can’t have the family, at least you’ve got the food.
And what about the food?
The holidays start
with Thanksgiving (at least they do in the United States) and Thanksgiving is
often referred to as “National Binge Day” – the whole day is a tribute to
excess.
You’re expected to
overeat. It’s even considered bad manners not to try everything on the
table. If you struggle with food, this can be extremely challenging.
Another problem
with the holidays is everyone talks about food. A lot.
Some relatives get
offended if you don’t try everything. Someone will say, “I know you’re
watching your weight but you’re just GOT to try my pecan pie. One bite
won’t hurt you. Go on, have some.”
And then there are
the people who watch every bite they eat – and every bite YOU eat.
They say, “Oh, I
shouldn’t have this.” Or worse, “Do you think you should eat that?
Do you really need that?”
All this focus on
food can lead to a lot of stress – you’re anxious, upset, and sad – and if you
don’t have other strategies to deal with those stressful emotion, that makes
you more vulnerable to using food to cope.
So it can be a
vicious cycle. The key is to learn to express feelings in words, instead
of behavior.
How do you
stop the cycle?
People often think
they are triggered by food but they’re not. They’re usually triggered by
situations and experiences that are painful or upsetting, and make them want to
turn to food to cope – to numb, or distract from what’s upsetting them.
Start by asking
yourself some questions:
What is the most
difficult part of the holidays? Food? Family? Lack of family?
Are you emotionally hungry, lonely, upset, or maybe even jealous?
What is eating “at” you the most?
When you deal with and process those situations and
feelings directly, you won’t use food as a coping strategy.
What is my
top survival tip for the holidays?
Be a social anthropologist.
When you’re
watching and observing, you’re not a participant. Observing means
creating some distance and that distance can be very illuminating.
Hearing your grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, helps you see you learned to criticize yourself.
When you realize
that your mother apologizes for every bite she eats, you’ll recognize how you
learned to feel guilty for every bite you take.
It doesn’t matter
whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah or Kwanza, or nothing, pay
attention to what’s going on around you.
What do you like
about them? What do you dislike?
What do you
appreciate? What do you wish was different?
Give yourself
permission to hold the positive and negatives about others – it’ll make it
easier to hold both about yourself.
When you’re
observing others, you don’t feel as much under observation. That makes
you feel less self-conscious, and you feel better. When you feel better,
you’re less likely to use food to cope.
It’s the holidays,
and ultimately the holidays are about gratitude, so be grateful. Think of one thing you appreciate; whether it’s
a person or a situation, because hanging onto one
good thing can keep you going when things are challenging.
