By Stephanie Affinito, Guest Contributor
As a parent supporting her child in eating disorder recovery, it felt like every turn I took was the wrong one: the therapist wasn’t a good fit, another meal ended in a power struggle, the words I thought would comfort her had the opposite effect. My frustration level was high, but hers was higher, waiting for me to say and do the right thing that could help. But I couldn’t. The truth was that I couldn’t understand what she was going through. I didn’t hear the thoughts running through her head on repeat. I couldn’t see the inadvertent pain I was causing by operating from what I knew and not where she was. And unfortunately, there wasn’t anyone coming to save either of us any time soon.
So, I went to what I knew best: books and notebooks.
As a teenager, I experienced the healing power of reading and writing firsthand. During these formative years, I struggled to recover from a chronic illness that kept me bedridden for years and running from doctor to doctor. Reading and writing were the only things I could do to pass the time, occupy my mind and give me a safe space to pour out my feelings on the page. In fact, it was a book that opened the door to a new diagnosis and a protocol for healing. And when that same illness returned in midlife, it was another book that introduced me to yoga, the only tool that has alleviated my unresolved chronic pain.
So when I was faced with the challenge of supporting my daughter through her recovery from anorexia, I turned to a healing combination of reading, writing and yoga to support me during this new phase of life so I could best support her.
I started with books. I devoured every book I could find that centered around eating disorders. I read professional books on what anorexia was, how it manifests differently in individuals and what treatment options were available. I read memoirs of individuals who recovered from their own eating disorders so I could better understand what was happening inside my daughter’s mind and how the things I was saying and doing might impact her positively and negatively. I read the stories of caregivers who successfully supported their children in their own recovery process and read personal development books to keep my own mental health as healthy as it could be.
Since many of the conversations my daughter and I had ended in fighting, crying or silent treatments, I also turned to my notebook. Here, I poured out my fears, my frustrations and my hopes on the page. I’d replay conversations of what I wish I would have said and done and cemented them on the page to better call upon them in the future. I kept notes of medical visits, therapist recommendations and meal plans. I didn’t trust myself to hold it all together, but my notebook had my back. I could come undone in my notebook and then build myself back up again for her.
The personal benefits of reading and writing that I’ve discovered over the years aren’t just my own personal experience. They’re based on years of scientific research. Just 6 minutes of reading a day and a couple of 15-to-20-minute sessions of writing a month can bring a host of physical, mental and cognitive benefits such as lowered heart rate, decreased blood pressure, a boosted immune system, more creative thinking and my favorite, increased empathy.
While the benefits of reading and writing were serving me well during my own illness, I turned to yoga as a physical practice to ease the stress and pressure on my joints and connective tissues, but during my daughter’s recovery, I quickly realized what a powerful tool it was to soothe my mind, too. My time on the mat quickly became sacred to my mental health. Some days, I’d simply cry on the mat, other days I’d engage in restorative poses and on others, I’d release pent up emotion with powerful physical peaks.
These three practices of reading, writing and yoga offered a powerful healing combination that are freely available to us all. We can seek out books to better help us understand what our loved ones are going through and support our own mental health during this challenging time. We can turn to our notebooks and journals to pour our hearts out on the page so that our strong emotions don’t spill out when they shouldn’t. And we can practice yoga to soothe our stressed bodies, calm our distraught minds and offer solace on the mat.
Over my journey, I’ve found particular passages and books that bring knowledge and comfort, particular poses that relax the body and particular notebook prompts that release stress and offer hope. And now, I’ve made it my mission to share this healing combination with other caregivers in an attempt to provide the kind of caregiver support I wish I had on my own journey. My restorative reading, writing, and yoga sessions invite caregivers to experience these benefits for themselves and layer the practices together to best receive the researched benefits. Here’s how a session works:
