I know exactly what it feels like to try and gain weight when you are underweight and have an unhealthy anorexic mind. Even if you know you need to gain weight in order to get better, that doesn’t mean you actually want to go through the process of weight restoration. These are the sorts of thoughts that I was having for the majority of my recovery (just for the record, they were all untrue)……
‘If I get any bigger I will hate myself even more’
‘I will never be able to accept my body at a healthy weight’
‘If I go back to the size I used to be before I got sick, I will be unhappy again’
‘I want to get better, but I wish I didn’t have to gain weight to do that’
Despite all of these thoughts, I managed to do what was necessary for me to gain the weight I needed to gain. I honestly don’t think would have been able to do it if it wasn’t for my blog and my readers, as I wanted to lead by example and show everyone that it was possible to recover from anorexia (even if I didn’t entirely believe it was possible myself). Even though I had my doubts about how I would feel when my weight started to increase, I listened to the advice of other bloggers and took the plunge anyway… and I am so glad I did! I could have so easily stayed underweight and anorexic for the rest of my life, due to the immense fear of weight restoration. After all, at the time that seemed like a much easier option then fighting my anorexic thoughts and doing the one thing that I feared the most, which was to gain weight.
So please trust me when I tell you that if you allow yourself to gain weight, your mind will eventually repair and you can be recovered one day. Better still, you can actually like your body and accept it completely. I know that you think it is impossible for you to do this but it really isn’t. It is totally possible and with some hard work, you can get to where I am today. It was about 2 years ago I started my blog and my true recovery and since then, my life has been totally transformed. I have gone from a miserable, sick, underweight, lonely and anxious girl to a confident, happy, energetic, strong and empowered young woman. I can honestly say that I now love my life and I also love my body. I am now healthy and energetic enough to live the positive and fulfilled life I truly love and deserve!
And I only have all of this today because I took that plunge, despite the fact that I thought recovery was impossible, despite the fact that gaining weight scared me more than anything else in the world and despite the fact I thought I would hate myself if I gained weight. So please, do what I did and you can have what I now have. And the strength you will gain through facing your fears will make you into an unstoppable person in all aspects of your life. I believe that recovering from anorexia is the hardest thing I will ever have to do and it wasn’t until I went through that process of recovery and came out the other side, that I realised my true strength and potential. Now, anytime I am faced with a challenge I remind myself of what I have overcome and I really do believe now, after recovering from my eating disorder, that I can do anything I set my mind to!
