Let’s talk about therapy. For some, this could be a touchy subject. For others, perhaps a comforting topic of conversation. Regardless of where you stand, here’s my take on the issue.
About a year and a half ago, my mom made the decision to seek help from a trained professional on my behalf. Time and time again, I had proven that I was incapable and unwilling to choose recovery. Thus, she took it upon herself to find help.
I expected I would meet with an eating disorder specialist or a recovery coach of some sort. However, this was not the case. In December of 2017, I began my sessions with a Biblical counselor.
Right away, I openly admitted my fears and apprehensions. I unloaded what I had kept hidden inside for so long. I talked through my struggles and concerns surrounding food. I confided in my counselor, as though I had known her for years.
Several weeks into our sessions, it was suggested that we do a Bible study together. I was slightly taken aback. I was disinterested, to say the least. I was not there to listen to sermons. Trust me, I was receiving my fair share of those at home.
It irritated me that my counselor would recommend a Bible study. She doesn’t get it, was my immediate reaction. She doesn’t understand what I’m going through. She doesn’t comprehend the depth of my illness. If only she could grasp that I don’t need more lectures. I don’t need to read more Bible stories. I need someone to listen to my story. I need a meal plan, not a Bible plan.
I went into the whole ordeal with somewhat of a closed mindset. I couldn’t understand how a study titled The Gospel-Centered Life had anything to do with my eating disorder. How was this supposed to help me? Was it just mindless filler, to occupy the time?
Then, maybe halfway through the study, a lightbulb went off in my brain. Sure, the Bible study may not have specifically applied to my life, but my life could easily apply to that particular Bible study. In other words, the study wasn’t written for recovering anorexics. But an anorexic could equally use the study to recover.
The author probably didn’t have me in mind when he wrote his book. But even so, the book was written directly to me. And why is that?
Although the study had nothing to do with anorexia nervosa, when the Gospel is made central in our lives, it has a strong affect on every aspect of our being. In my case, the Gospel allowed me to obtain a new perspective on food and exercise.
For far too long, my eating disorder had become an idol. I worshipped food and praised fad diets. It had become the central theme of my life. Therefore, I had a distorted opinion of God. My inflated view of self and so-called “healthy” foods and vigorous workouts had deflated my view of the Gospel.
Learning to live a Gospel-centered life allowed me to truly recover. Not to say that I’m perfect or that I have ever been so. I stray away and lose focus, a typical human tendency. But continual striving towards the cross has freed me from my eating disorder.
Perhaps my counselor was the smartest woman on the planet. She recognized that I needed Jesus significantly more than I needed another ritualistic meal plan. I needed Jesus more than I needed affirmation to eat. I needed Jesus more than I needed self-care.
In the moment, I couldn’t identity my needs. I thought that quinoa and egg whites would make me whole. I found my worth in the foods I ate and in the exercise I performed. Yet my worth is not in what I eat. I am made complete by none other than Jesus Christ!
Without Christ as your Savior, recovery is incredibly hard. Until you make Jesus the main focus of your life, your eating disorder will decide your every move, justifying every wrongdoing. Lying will become excusable, and disobedience, a habit.
I urge you, run! Run from your eating disorder and from lying, disobedience, deception, and secrecy. Run from aimless pursuits and earthly pleasures. Run from these things and into the arms of my Savior!
When I was sick, I longed to experience contentment – contentment with my body. I was searching for a piece of mind that I never received.
But, when I turned from anorexic behaviors and trusted wholly in Jesus Christ, that’s when I experienced true contentment. A sense of freedom, unlike anything else. A security that I am enough because He is enough.
You don’t need a nutritionist or a 12-step program. You don’t need more greens or grains or grapes (try saying that five times fast!). You don’t need to take a class on mindfulness or a course on intuitive eating. You need, more than life itself, a relationship with God Almighty.
“And my God shall satisfy all your needs according to His riches in the glory of Yeshua, The Messiah.” – Philippians 4:19
– Taylor
